Oh deer.


That is incredible.

Now, a lot of people dislike hunting. They say it’s cruel, or what if the next deer you kill is Bambi, or whatever… but here’s the thing. Leading cause of death for deer? CAR ACCIDENTS. CNN reports that the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration says there are 1.5 MILLION deer collisions every year. 1.5 MILLION? That means there are millions of deer out there? How can there be so many of a species that’s so stupid? The deer is just sitting there by the side of the road…

DEER: Something’s comin… I bet it’s trying to get me. There it is, off in the distance. I should run to safety… riiiiight across its path.

CAR: < nothing >

DEER: Yeah, definitely safer on the other side of this road… gonna have to step over the carcass of my dad there. Whoa, he’s getting close. I can still make it. Can I? Yeah, I can. Plenty of time. OkayhereIgoBAM

At what point will evolution kick in? I mean, they run if they here you rustle in the bushes… which tells me they’ve at least adapted SOMEwhat. You hear that rustling, Bambi? You remember how you heard that rustling right before your mom died? Maybe you should get a move on, eh? So they’ve evolved to where they know to avoid hunters, but they can’t figure out how to avoid speeding two-ton objects?

So they’re either very stupid, or very suicidal. “Oh MAN. I’m so tired of eating GRASS every day! Would someone please just SHOOT me!”

Maybe dying in a car accident is a status symbol to deer. Or it’s some bizarre deer religion. “May I ever graze in fertile plains TAKE ME HYUNDAI!”

My sister lives in a more rural area at the base of some mountains, and says that every so often they’ll wake up to see deer right there in the backyard. Like a dozen deer, all at one time, just passing through as the sun rises. Maybe stopping to munch on your grass if you haven’t mowed recently… Pretty. It seems like a nice little treat.

Until you remember that deer gotta poop. And lest you’ve forgotten: big animal => big poop.

Did I mention it was a DOZEN deer?

Starts to become clear why some men in some parts of the country wake up early, look out their windows, and say, “I’m gonna go kill some deer today.”


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