Funniest Peer Review EVAR

A coworker of mine altered this review below to put my name in. I’ve included the original here, which I believe can be attributed to Bob Hart here in Utah. Works at HP or somesuch. Hi Bob. You made me laugh, whoever you are.

I have been asked to recommend a colleague of mine, Laura. I assume that she asked me because I am one of the very few that still speaks to her. Over the last 18 months, I have watched Laura systematically alienate herself from supervisors, peers, and customers. She has done so through a series of poor judgments, vengeful acts, and harsh, harsh words.

Laura is a ticking time bomb ready and willing to ignite at a moment’s notice. During any situation when I am in a room with her, I constantly check my watch as the second hand painfully slows to a crawl. She has been set off on a number of occasions, sometimes without provocation of any kind. She rants, she raves, and she throws things. The glazed look in her eyes is only surpassed by her stinging use of profanity. She has an extensive, sailor-like mastery of four-letter words. To be frank, Laura is a taco or two short of the full combo.

Laura is constantly scheming and plotting against others for her own benefit. I’ve never known anyone so bent on revenge against the world. She is willing and able to do anything for the sole purpose of embarrassing others, and doubly willing if she benefits. On numerous occasions I’ve seen Laura hit absolute rock bottom in moral judgments, just to somehow pull out a new shovel and continue digging even lower. If I had to describe Laura in one word, I would choose “cannibal.” And I would whisper it so she didn’t hear.

The desk she has been assigned is by far the messiest I’ve ever seen. There has been an unsavory stench developing since February in her file drawer. At first, we made an office pool where everyone bet whether the source of the pungent odor was animal, vegetable, or mineral. We recently revised the bet to “dead, illegal, or both.” Deep down, I pray we never find out.

After all this, I implore you to accept Laura for whatever role you are considering her for. For your own safety and for the safety of others, please do whatever she says. Frankly, I’m fearful of what she might do to me if she does not get her way. You should be too.


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