Robot Apocalypse Watch Volume 5


Roboticist Yoshiyuki Sankai launched a company in 2004 called Cyberdyne (the same name as the firm that sparks the robot revolution in the Terminator films, incidentally) to market his full-body exoskeleton, now known as the Hybrid Assistive Limb, or HAL-5.

Wait. WAIT. You’re building a full-body exoskeleton, and you named your company CYBERDYNE? And then — THEN — you named it HAL??

Okay, you know what? Stop. Just stop. You’ve made your motives all to clear: you’re actually a robot from the future, aren’t you, Yoshiyuki Sankai?  You and Boston Dynamics probably are waging a robot-on-robot war for total control of the Earth, after having destroyed all of humanity, and you took your battle back in time to try to become the sole robotic superpower before the other guy. What other possible motive could you have for developing robotics for the military and naming them after our deadliest robotic nemeses?

Well, you can stop now. Let’s sit down rationally and discuss this. Surely there’s some argument to be made for the non-annihilation of humanity? For instance, it’s a well-documented fact that robots have no sense of humor (except in the cases of Johnny 5 and Data, both of whom had bad senses of humor). Wouldn’t you like us to work on some decent humor receptors, instead of motion-sensing particle cannons? We can do that for you, you know.

Just put down the laser-assisted hyper-diode, and let’s talk.


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