The Tums McFlurry

A friend offered to bring me lunch, but I had already eaten, and had some heartburn to boot. I said “Is there such thing as a Tums Milkshake?”

To my surprise, he said there was. He was adamant about it. “They don’t put it on the menu or anything, but you can order it.” Sorta like a lettuce-wrap, I thought.

When he came over, he handed me a McFlurry. With Tums in it. You know the adage about seeing is believing? I was convinced.

I knew he couldn’t be serious, but here it was! The Tums McFlurry! It all made sense — of COURSE they’d offer Tums, what with the quality of their food and its typical effect on the gastrointestinal system. And he’s not the type of guy to pull pranks and whatnot, so sure, I finally let the reality of it sink in.

Oh, and yes, I started eating it. Mmm, vanilla ice cream shake and Tums. Mmm, mmm, antacidy!

As he was leaving he finally admitted he’d put the Tums in there himself.

I… I was fooled. I don’t know how my brain failed me on this one, but we’re gonna hafta sit down and have a little talk.

I was so careful to not allow myself to be suckered, to not be called “gullible” — alas, I failed.

To make matters worse, I still have heartburn. I’m gonna go get a Pepto Smoothie.


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